Hell? More Like Heaven, If You Ask Me
by PaintedinAllColors
Summary: Grimmjow died and went to HFIL. Then he meets Bardock, King Vegeta, and a lot of DBZ characters.  Gte ready for one of the most hilarious XOvers you have ever read. PS- No yaoi in here. Just friendship, and the occasional insane character.
1. Chapter 1

Hellos. Its my second fic, and i actually remembered the disclaimer! If any of you are actually reading this, then DON'T KILL ME 'CUZ IT'S SHORT! It's just a prologue anyway.

_Disclaimer:_

_Grimmjow- This HFIL place sounds awesome! And wonderful me is the main character!_

_Bardock- Shut up, I'm in it too, ya know_

_King Vegeta- I am the almighty King of All Saiyans! Bow before me. And because you morons aren't doing anything, PaintedinAllColors doesn't own Bleach or Dragon Ball Z. She does own any OC's she makes up to make this story more interesting._

_Me- Thank you Veggie-head Senior. Enjoy. _

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><p>Prologue<p>

Wow. That was the first thought that went through my head as I arrived in HFIL. I wasn't really expecting what I saw. I mean, I thought it would be a lot like Hueco Mundo, but I was wrong. It was red, not white. There were little flames burning in random places, and there was a black sky with fluffy, yellow clouds. It was kinda weird, but I liked it. As I walked by, a couple of pretty hot girls looked at me. I grinned back, enjoying the sight of their eyes widening. Yeah, I was pretty awesome. Not everybody has blue hair, perfect muscles, and a jawbone over their mouth, as well as a sword, but I make it look good. As my eyes wandered over something, my mouth fell open. If this was hell, I love to see what heaven looked like. Let's face it, this place had everything. Poker tables, some tough looking guys that it would be fun to pick a fight with, and girls. Villains have it good here, I thought. I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. I knew one thing for sure: this place would never be the same as it was before Grimmjow Jaegerjacques walked in.

"Ow! Watch where you're going, fool! You do not bump into the almighty King Of All Saiyans!" yelled a short guy who reminded me of that red-haired Soul Reaper with the tattoos.

"Chill, pinapple head. Plus, I'm pretty sure kings are taller, and more majestic looking than you. That guy looks like a real warrior king," I said, pointed at some guy who was, amazingly, almost as tall as I am, and wore a red bandana, and had a scar on his cheek. He did look strong. And then, a short woman, wearing pink armor hit him on the head with a miniature steel table.

"Umm..., never mind then,"I said.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU ATE ALL THE FOOD BEFORE IT WAS EVEN COOKED!" The lady yelled. I cringed. She had that scary look in the eye.

"What! HE ATE ALL THE FOOD! DIE, BARDOCK!" The pinapple headed guy yelled, running off. Yep, it was going to be awesome here.


	2. Chapter 2

Me: I'm back people who read this story! And before the disclaimer, I'd like to thank Alex274 for being the first to review this story! Thanks, you're awesome! Also, I have a poll out. I got into a really big arguement with a friend about Lemonheads and Appleheads-I like Appleheads and he likes Lemonheads. So please vote; we both really want to see who is right!

Grimmjow: OOO! I love Appleheads! But who is Alex274?

Fasha: Alex274 is an awesome person who reviewed PaintedinAllColors's story.

Grimmjow:Oh. I call the disclaimer!

Fasha: WHAT! I wanted to do the disclaimer, dammit! *runs off chasing him*

Bardock: They're both gone... Will she be back in time to cook me dinner...?

Me: Say the disclaimer.

Bardock: Okay! PaintedinAllColors doesn't own DBZ or Bleach. But I wished she owned more food...

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><p>"So, you're all aliens that change into giant monkeys during the full moon," I said, looking at all the warriors before me. I say warriors because they are Saiyans which, like I said, are an alien warrior race that change into giant monkeys at the full moon. Also, they fight. A lot. Some guy tried to beat me up for cutting in line for food. He's somewhere around here. Either that or dead. Again.<p>

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," said the guy who had been hit on the head by a steel table, whose name was Bardock. "And you're a dead guy who was a human, then a cannibalistic panther, and then recruited by an evil megalomaniac for his army to take over the world."

"Yeah, but you forgot that I'm an Arrancar, a hollow merged with a Soul Reaper. And I was the Sexta, or sixth, strongest Espada. The Espada are the leaders of the Arrancars, and only listen to Aizen, Gin, and that blind guy who cut my arm off," I said. He nodded and went back to his food.

"Hey, is there any specific full moon you guys have to transform during?" I asked.

"Oh. Well, I don't know. Wanna test it tomorrow? On King Vegeta?" he suggested, an evil glint in his eye.

"Is he that short guy with what looks like a black pineapple on his head?"

"Yeah."

"Let's do it." We exchanged evil grins.

_I don't want to know what those two are up to_, thought Shugesh as he walked past. _And I really hope it has nothing to do with me._ Meanwhile, Fasha was thinking, _I really want to know what they're gonna do. And I really hope I get to join in on the fun. _

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"Ready, Grimmjow?" asked Bardock.

"Hell, yeah!" I replied, grinning. "What happens if he does transform, though?"

"Then, my friend, we run for our lives."

"That's a pretty stupid plan," the lady who had hit Bardock over the head with the table said. Her name was Fasha, he had told me. "What are ya doing', anyway?"

"We are conducting an extremely important scientific experiment. We also do not need anyone contaminating our results," I said, doing a perfect imitation of Granz. Bardock actually looked pretty impressed with me.

"I did not believe you were that smart!" he exclaimed. "Grimm used many big words!" My jaw dropped. Not my hollow bone, my mouth. There was no way he just called me stupid.

"Bardock, I think you should start running now," I said, matter-of-factly.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

I held out my hand.

"Cero."

"Oh sh-," he got out before the cero hit him in the face. Bardock was blasted off into…I have no idea where. I haven't actually began to explore this place properly yet. I'll add that to my To-Do list.

"Impressive," Fasha stated, a small smile on her face.

"Girl, you ain't seen anything yet," I grinned at her so widely my jawbone cracked open a bit.

"So am I in?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That depends. How loyal are you to the King of all Saiyans?"

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Apparently not very, I observed. When we had found Bardock and gotten back to our "hideout", we had explained everything to Fasha. And she had laughed until she cried.

"I'm a bit concerned for her sanity," I told Bardock.

"Men, I am more concerned for yours. Pranking King Veggie-head has never been done. Most people are too damn scared of him," she snorted derisively.

"Scared? Of that midget with a pineapple on his head? Please. Trust me, I know scary, and it sure isn't that guy. My old leader seemed nice, but the guy was a maniac. He knowingly sent me off into battle to kill me. And his sidekicks were even creepier. Gin smiles all the time, and never opens his eyes, and Tosen is blind. And he cut my arm off," I said. "Aizen punishes you for the slightest slip-up. He tried to kill his subordinate in Soul Society, and she worshipped the ground he walked on. That bastard turned his own captain and several others into Vizards and walked away, leaving them for dead. He uses his immense power to crush you if you do anything wrong. He will leave you helpless, and smile and watch as you die, just for kicks. Now you tell me, do you all fear the pineapple-head like that?" I asked, eyes blazing.

"Sounds a lot like Frieza. He was an evil overlord, very powerful, and he was scared of a Super Saiyan being born. He was scared of me and my team, and he killed everyone on the planet, except my two sons and the prince," Bardock said sadly. "But my son, Kakarott, beat the prince, turned into a Super Saiyan, and beat the crap out of Frieza," His voice was proud.

"This Frieza guy sounds like someone I want to pick a fight with. When I do, I'll tell you Aizen's power compared to his," I promised them.

"Okay. Enough of the doom and gloom talk. We are going to conduct a test. So, who would be stupid enough to moon the King?" I thought hard, and the choices I came up with were Nappa, a Saiyan I had met the other day, and Yammy. Since Yammy was…I don't know where he is, the only choice left was…

"Nappa," we stated, grinning evilly. It was perfect. The bald Saiyan was a complete moron, and it would be a piece of cake with whipped cream to get him to do what we wanted him to.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"Hey, Nappa!" I greeted the bald idiot, grinning ferally. He paled and said,

"H-Hello, Grimmjow," he squeaked. He _**squeaked**__. _I laughed, enjoy the This-Guy-Scares-Me-Shitless-But-There-Is-No-Way-In-Hell-I'm-Gonna-Let-Him-Know-That look on his face. _But, Nappa, you're in hell right now,_ I thought, smirking as I guided him away to our hideout.

"Nappa, I need you help us prank someone," said Fasha, giving him the puppy-dog eyes that most people found irresistible, but never worked on me.

Nnoitra always said it was my "cat genes" acting up. I snickered.

"Who woulda thought that I'd actually miss that seven foot tall maniac?" I asked into thin air. "What?" They were all looking at me funny. Everyone shook their heads.

"If the guy is really seven feet tall, never introduce him to King Veggie-head," Fasha said. I burst out laughing.

"Fasha, I wouldn't introduce him to most people; they'd be too scared," I said, shrugging. She rolled her eyes.

"Like I was saying, we need you to help us prank Shugesh," Fasha said. "It'll be hilarious! All you have to do is moon him."

"I'll do it," Nappa exclaimed. "Where is he?"

"This way, Nappa," Bardock said, with an evil glint in his eye.

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><p><span>Oooh. Cliffie-well somewhat. It seemed too long. But I bet you know whats gonna happen in the next chapter~! Review. Also, I decided to take requests. So if you want them to do something, or want a certain character to appear, then please send a review saying what you want~! Anon reviews are great too, I'll reply to them!<span>


	3. Chapter 3

Re: Hi! I'm back and more cheerful than yesterday! I want to thank Alex274 again for reviewing this ridiculous story. Please, people, vote on the poll. I need to show my friend he's wrong, and Appleheads are better than Lemonheads! So vote and enjoy!

Grimmjow: Thank God she's done with that. Now on to the good part- the part with me in it!

Nnoitra: I'M IN IT TOO, YA KNOW! 

Grimmjow: Yeah, PaintedinAllColors ruined the story doing that.

Nnoitra: DIE, KITTY!

Fasha: What are they doing now?

Me: They were doing something before? I really don't want to know what.

Bardock and King Vegeta: FEED US!

Fasha: After the disclaimer. PaintedinAllColors doesn't own Bleach or Dragon Ball Z. 

* * *

><p>"Guys, I don't know about this…" Nappa said doubtingly.<p>

"Oh, come on. Don't you want to get Shugesh for the time he put hot sauce in your cake?" asked Fasha, frowning.

"Okay. Let's do this." He was determined to do this. All the better for us. Bardock guided him to the place where King Vegeta usually was.

"Nappa, on the count of three, turn around and pull down your pants, okay?" Fasha had the tone people used with a really slow child, or an idiot. Nappa had less brains than both.

"Wait, does three come before or after-,"

"On 'go' then," Bardock said, exasperated. I could tell he had a short temper, and a low tolerance for morons, and Nappa was pushing him to the edge of that limited patience. Poor guy, at least I had experience with Yammy who was stupider than brain damaged bat shit. But I had a feeling Nappa was stupider than Yammy, which I personally thought was impossible, but turns out I was wrong. Amazing, that is.

"Pay attention, Jaegerjacquez. He's actually doing it," Bardock had a tone of awe.

"Don't worry; I'm in awe of his amazing stupidity too. I think the feeling's mutual to everyone who's ever met him," I assured Bardock.

"I wonder how the Prince managed to not kill him," Fasha said. Bardock nodded. His stomach growled.

"What? I'm starving. I only had ten waffles, six pancakes, three bowls of oatmeal, two apples, one glass of orange juice and two bowls of cereal for breakfast," Bardock said defensively.

"Bardock, saying that is not going to help defend you. And that is a ridiculously large amount of food," I told him.

"Shut up! He's almost there," Fasha hissed at us. We shut up immediately. Trust me; you do not want to mess with this woman. I saw Nappa walk towards the circle and turn around. Some of the pineapple-heads people started whispering among themselves. Nappa turned around and yelled,

"SHUGESH, THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU SHALL PRANK ME!" He pulled down his pants, mooning the King. I saw the midget's eyes bug out. He began to grow larger and larger, until he was covered in fur and about 60 feet tall.

"Wow, he's even short in ape form," Fasha said, snickering. I saw Nappa whimper and start groveling.

"My Lord, I thought it was Shugesh. I didn't know you were there an-and BARDOCK AND FASHA AND GRIMMJOW MADE ME DO IT!" He wailed, peeing in fear. Unfortunately, his pants were still down, and, well, you can guess the rest.

"Where are they?" asked the (for once) giant ape version of pineapple-head. Trembling, Nappa pointed towards their hiding spot.

"Ah, hell," they said simultaneously.

"Luckily, we planned for this," Bardock said proudly.

"And what is that plan, oh great one?" Fasha asked sarcastically.

"Now, oh not as great as us one, we run for our dead lives," I cut in. "Run!" We dashed away, in the opposite direction of the raging pineapple head. Unfortunately, he wasn't high enough to not spot us, so he began to chase us.

"Yeah! Bring it, you oversized monkey!" I yelled, pumping my fist in the air.

"What are you doing? Don't stop running!" Bardock yelled frantically.

"Nah, I just realized I can take him," I said dismissively.

"But can you take him and about twenty others who are also apes?" Fasha asked, dodging a blast.

"No, probably not. I'm gonna keep running now," I said, glancing back. They were pretty close.

"OW! What the hell, kitty cat? Watch where you're going!" a voice I thought I would never be glad to hear said.

"Well excuse me for not wanting to die for the third time, Spoonhead," I snapped at Nnoitra.

"You think we can take them with him there?" Bardock asked.

"A fight? Already? This place is awesome!" Nnoitra said, grinning his piano-toothed grin.

"Come on, you seven foot tall asshole. Let's go beat up some monkeys," I grinned back at him. Even though he killed me, I was amazingly glad to see him. Then again, I was in a life or death situation, and those tend to mess with your head.

"Pray, Santa Teresa!"

"Grind, Pantera!"

We appeared in our Ressurecion. I was charged with power, and so was he. Nnoitra flexed his arms to check if being dead had done anything, but I guess we were dead before, so it shouldn't really have an effect. I cracked my knuckles, and brushed away a tendril of my long blue hair form my face.

"Let's go." We leaped at the apes, using sonido to get up close without them seeing.

"CERO!" We yelled, each of us firing a blast, his gold and from his ridiculously long tongue, and mine blue and fired from my hand. They made contact, and two of the apes dropped into regular form, with a huge explosion. I laughed maniacally, and grinned psychotically on the remaining apes. I brought my hands up, and then down in front of me, slashing the air and creating long lacerations, which I released towards the King Pineapple. He was knocked out of monkey form when it hit him. To my left, I saw Spoony dispatching the rest easily.

"That was too easy to be fun," I sighed. "Wanna spar some other time?"

"Same feeling here. Why were you being chased by a bunch of giant monkeys?" he asked.

"Science," I replied.

"Ah. This is why we leave the science-y stuff to Pinky," he replied.

"Well, yeah. But he'd just make one of us do it, anyway," I said. And then it hit me. "Ah, hell, you're here too!"

"Hell, yeah! And this place will never be the same, ver. We're gonna take it over and rule it, like we should have in Hueco Mundo!" He yelled, raising his hand.

"Sure, you will," said Fasha. "And-,"

"Where did you guys learn to fight like that?" Bardock interrupted.

"Around," I answered.

"Vague, man," Nnoitra replied.

"Wow, Spoony, you used a big word!" I mocked him.

"This'll be interesting," Bardock observed, watching us punch each other.

"Oh, yeah."

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><p><span>Review, please? Loved it? Hated it? Want me to rewrite it? I'll never know if you don't review~!<span>


	4. Chapter 4

Me: I finally overcame the idiot writer's block! YAY! Well, things got a bit weird here, and I don't think this is up to par with my usual stuff, but whatevs. I'll see the response, andd review telling me if you want me to rewrite it. I'm thanking-

Grimmjow: Lemme guess- Alex274? How did I know? Cuz that's the only reviewer to this story.

Me: Well, in reply to her review- Thanks, I'm glad you thought it wasn't sucky! And it is ridiculous- ridiculously funny!

Grimmjow: Vote for Vogt!

Me: It's vote on the poll, neandarthal.

Szayel: Good one, Painted-chan. Even though I'm not in this story yet, can I please say the disclaimer?

Nnoitra: NOOOO~! She promised me that I could say it!

Grimmjow: What are you saying? She said I was gonna say the disclaimer.

Me:...

Bardock: Violent, aren't they? PaintedinAllColors doesn't own DBZ or Bleach, but she did own 3 and a half huge cookies which she ate and was still hungry after. And she didn't even share...

Me: I. Do. Not. Share. Cookies. 

Bardock: ...

* * *

><p>"Poker?" asked Nnoitra.<p>

"Yep. We're gonna play poker with the Saiyans and Frieza," I said, a grin splitting my face.

"So we win their money and get a good fight out of it too," Spoonhead stated, his customary piano-toothed grin splitting his face. I just nodded.

"Uh-oh. What time should we come out of hiding?" asked Fasha, who had walked up to us.

"In about two hours. And how do you know we're gonna do something?" I asked.

"With those smiles, even Nappa would know that your up to something," she stated. Just then, Nappa ran by with a bag over his head. He was screaming out, "THE SUN HAS GONE OUT! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Well, maybe not Nappa, but somebody with an I.Q. greater than that of a plant," she revised her statement.

"We're gonna play poker," Nnoitra told her.

"Ah. I suggest betting thirty tons of meatloaf, cooked by you guys," she said.

"Why? I don't wanna cook?" Nnoitra whined.

"'Cuz you can't cook. So if they get sick, they'll come after you and fight you. Also, you can just say it's not your fault you can't cook. Lastly, it's a win-win, you lose, they get sick." She flew off.

"I can't believe I didn't think of that."

"I can't believe you know how to think," I replied, grinning.

"Shut up."

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"Does sarcasm just bounce off you?" I asked.

"Screw you, Blue."

"Oooh, you rhymed," I teased.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"So, who's next?" asked some guy I don't care about.

"We are," I grabbed Stick and we grinned confidently.

"What's yer bet?" Guy asked us.

"It's thirty pounds of meatloaf per person, personally cooked by us. What's your name?" I told him and asked him.

"Guy." I snickered. I must be psychic, 'cuz I called him Guy five seconds ago.

"Okay, sit." We sat. Guy was so apathetic.

"He's so apathetic," Nnoitra whispered to me.

"You used a big word! I'm so proud of you, NnoiNnoi!" I said.

"Shut up."

"I will. When you become smart."

"Guess we have to listen to Grimmy's mouth all the time," a voice said.

"Oh no," we said simultaneously.

"Oh yes. I'm here ta keep ya comp'ny!" Gin said, eyes closed and grin in place.

"We are gonna be doing a lot of cooking," I told Nnoitra.

"Yeah. Wanna trick Nappa into doing it for us?"

"Sure. He's dumb enough to do it for us. Not in that way!" I yelled, noticing the look on Nnoitra's face.

"Who's stupid?" asked Ichimaru.

"You are," I replied honestly.

"An'?"

"Nappa, some guy here. We tricked him into mooning his King. And he's dumber than Yammy," Nnoitra said.

"We? Dude, I did all the work," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I helped beat the King person," he replied.

"Stupider than Yammy? I didn't think that was possible," Gin stated, amazed.

"Neither did I. But a couple of minutes ago, he had a bag over his head and was screaming, 'THE SUN HAS GONE OUT! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!'"

"But there isn't a sun here."

"He doesn't know that, apparently," I said.

"Newly dead?"

"He's been here for years," I shrugged.

"Does he know he's dead?"

"I have no clue." Gin looked amazed that someone could be so stupid.

"Okay, let's play!" Guy exclaimed. We took our seats, and he dealt the hand, seven cards each, and placed a deck of cards in the middle of the table. Then, he sat down, put his feet on the table, and began snoring. Was this guy Starrk or something?

"I'm pretty sure this isn't poker," Nnoitra spoke up.

"I think we're playing Gin Rummy," I said, frowning. How stupid were these people?

"I am not rummy!" Gin yelled at us.

"No, we didn't mean-,"

"Didn't mean what? That I'm an alcoholic? Just because I can hold my liquor better than you people does not mean I am 'rummy'."

"What did you say?" I asked him angrily. "You can't hold your alcohol better than me!"

"Yeah, I can. I went drinkin' wit' Ran every Friday!" he said.

"Therefore, I can hold my liquor better than all of you," a voice said.

"Ran!" Gin exclaimed, turning to a very… well, large breasted woman.

"You were friends with this?" I asked her, waving my hands in the general direction of Gin.

"Hard to believe, right?" she said, nodding. "So, I challenge you 'men' to a drinking competition. And what's up with the giant zanpakuto, Spoonhead? Are you compensating for something?" I laughed. This woman rocked! I can't believe I never thought about that insult.

"You're on!" Nnoitra yelled.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"So you peed in Aizen's tea?" Ran asked, swaying slightly. I have to admit, I was impressed. It was her tenth bottle of sake, and that was all the effect it had. Spoony was knocked out, he'd been out cold since the third bottle.

"Yep," I said, grinning. She high-fived me.

"What are you doing?" Bardock asked.

"Having a drinking competition," I replied, slurring my words a little.

"Wanna join us?" Gin asked, tossing me a bottle. "We can play drinking games!"

"No we can't, there's only four of us," Ran pointed out.

"Well, we know what our next mission of trouble-making is gonna be," I said to Bardock.

"Yep. But drink up. We don't waste anything here," he flashed a smile.

"I like him," Ran spoke up.

"Me too," agreed Gin. I did my best impression of a whip, sound effect and all.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Ran and I yelled at Spoony, who had revived when Bardock threw up on him. Lightweight.

"I WANNA BARBEQUE!" yelled Bardock who was sufficiently drunk.

"If we let you barbeque, you'll probably catch fire, man," I slurred.

"I think it's a tie," Gin said, leaning on Nnoitra, who was too drunk to care.

"Nah, let's drink more!" I yelled.

"Yeah! Do you have a hangover cure that works for you?" Ran asked me.

"Um, no?" I said, but it sounded like a question.

"Then you should stop now."

"Nah, hangover's are cool," I said, grabbing what must have been my thirtieth bottle. "Bottoms up!"

* * *

><p><span>Review, please~! Also, if you want a character to appear, then send their name in a review as well as what you want them to do, please~!<span>


	5. Chapter 5

Me: HELLO~! Finals are over and I have had my creative spurt for this story! Sorry for abandoning you, faithful readers!

Grimmjow: You have faithful readers! For this crap? Wow.

Me: Yeah, people will read anything, huh?

Grimmjow: I know.

Bardock: Heyya~! Painted-chan owns everything~!

Me&Grimmjow: I knew we shouldn't have let him near the alcohol.

Gin: Amazing that he doesn't get hangovers, isn't it?

Ran: Yep. I'm gonna go drink some more. See ya, Painted-chan. 

Me: See ya, Ran. Remember my birthday gift, okay? And you and Gin make good use of it!

Nnoitra: What'd ya get her?

Me: A can of whipped cream.

Gin: Bye then. 

Bardock: Painted-chan doesn't own Bleach or DBZ, but what I want to own is the knowledge of why he's sos excited about whipped cream. He's not even a Saiyan.

Grimmjow&Nnoitra&Me: You poor, innocent, naive Bardock. You should leave before we corrupt your brain. 

Bardock: Okay, then.

Me: Lastly, I wanna thank the following:

**Alex274: Thank you for reviewing every chapter, my faithful reviewer! This one, and the others, are for you! I'm glad you like how I brought the characters in, and thanks for the compliments, and all the reviews, for this story!**

**Tobi's Only Girl: You're not the only one, and the special for Bardock was awesome, but it made me cry... I'M GONNA MAKE FRIEZA SUFFER BY THE SADISTIC HANDS OF GOKU'S SISTER, WHO GREW UP IN HELL!**

Me: Well, that's that, so enjoy and review, even though this isn't one of my best!

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><p>Hangovers suck. Then again, it would be creepy if they didn't. Seriously, there has to be some kind of consequence for getting drunk off your ass, right? 'Cuz there's a consequence for just about every freaking thing in the entire universe. But what I don't understand is that some people don't even get hangovers. Take Gin and that chick, Ran, for example. They were still drinking when I woke up with this huge hangover from hell. I guess that's kind of fitting, anyway. I am in hell after all. Anyway, they looked at us and said we were lightweights. Lightweights. Can you believe this? We drank thirty bottles of hard liquor and they called us lightweights. If anyone is a lightweight here, it's Bardock, but he doesn't have a hangover. He drank twenty bottles of vodka, and he didn't even have a hangover. When I asked him about it, he said some crap about Saiyans never having hangovers. Me parece injusto. Yes, I speak Spanish. Seriously, I come from a place called Las Noches. It's in Hueco Mundo. It's all in Spanish people, look it up for Lucifer's sake. No, not alcohol sake. The other one.<p>

But right now, I'm flying over hell, looking for Szayel's body. Yeah, he's dead too. It makes me wonder why I ever wanted Aizen to die. Seriously, he would have come here and tortured me in my second afterlife, you know? Besides, Gin said that he's in Soul Society, being locked away for life. It serves the old geezer right. He is over a hundred years old and now in the place of incompetent morons and those who can drink more than eight gallons of hard liquor and keep on drinking without worrying about hangovers. But first, let me tell you about why I'm looking for Szayel's body. \

!~!~!~!~!~!~!

_My head is killing me. I groggily opened my eyes, only to find a pink haired man about to inject something into me._

!~!~!~!~!~!~!

And then I beat him to a pulp and basically wiped the floor with him. So now I'm looking for his body so I can do it again. Stupid scientist trying to experiment on me. Freak. You know, the term Szayel gay is used for a reason right? Some person told me about it and I cracked up. She said she was on this place called , I think. Ah well, who cares? I don't even know what a fan fiction is anyway. There he is!

"Cero!" I yelled, making sure the blast was powerful, and that it enveloped him completely. Pink bastard. After that, I dropped out of the sky; I wanted to check if he was okay. Also, I wanted him to be somewhat okay so that Nnoitra could kick his ass too. It's one of the few thing we actually have in common. The others being: murder, killing, violence, torture, eating, and, of course, sex. We also like to insult each other. But we both detest being insulted. After all, who doesn't? But we also hate each other. It's weird how this happens.

"Who are you?" a voice asked.

"I believe the question here is actually who are you?" I replied.

"I am Sarina. Happy, asshole? Now get the hell out of my way," she snapped.

"Someone's in a bad mood today," I observed teasingly.

"You would be too if you were flying innocently and were hit by a flying pink haired man," she retorted. Uh-oh.

"Are you a Saiyan?" I asked. I needed to know if she could kick my ass so I'd know if I should run or stay. Shameful as it may sound, I can accept that there are women stronger than me. For example, that Soul Society captain of the fourth division. She's scary as hell. And Halibel, too. She was the freaking Tercero, a whole three ranks higher than me. Not to mention Neliel, who was the ex-Tercero. And that Lilynette girl Starrk's always with. She may not be stonger than me in her current form, but she can make Starrk do stuff; actually get up off his lazy ass and do stuff, and he can easily kick my ass, so I tried not to hurt her. But she was a fun kid to be around.

"Yep. I'm Bardock's daughter, although I doubt you know who that is," she told me.

"Actually I do. If you're looking for him, I think he's passed out in the cave from when I punched him in the face," I informed her.

"Why?"

"He showed up and flaunted the fact that he can't get a hangover in my face. I have a very short temper," I explained.

"Serves him right," she snickered.

"Just curious here, but who's your mom?" I asked. Bardock didn't seem the type to settle down with anyone.

"Fasha," she told me.

"Figures. The woman is evil enough to keep even Bardock in line."

"Yeah, she told me about your plot to moon the King. Awesome idea, you know. And tricking Nappa into doing it, then kicking the King's ass, brilliant," she complimented me, grinning.

"Thanks. Why are you so mad at the King, though?" I asked her yet another question.

"Because he's one of the weakest Saiyans, and he won't accept it," she rolled her eyes. "Also because he still claims to be our King and we're all dead."

"Cool. Now which way did the flying pink man go? I need to finish kicking his ass."

"You threw him? Nice. Not sure which way he went, though. He tried to stick a needle in me, but then I blasted him with a Galick Gun, and he went down like a rock. He's either dead again, badly hurt, or in a coma," she said.

"Ah. Well, if he recovers, I'll finish killing him then, and after that I'll taunt him about dying and not being perfect. Annoying people is more fun than you'd think," I told her, grinning.

"Ah, but it's even more fun to rub it in their face that you're way stronger than them," she pointed out, smiling widely.

"So you're the strongest Saiyan?"

"No, my brother, nephew, and the Prince are, but they're all alive. So I'm the second strongest Saiyan in hell, aside from my dad," she explained to me.

"Bardock? No way!" I exclaimed in shock.

"Yeah, he is, but he hasn't found anybody worth fighting or even the motivation to fight anymore. Like an all-out, to the death fight. He'll spar, but it's just not the same, you know?" she said sadly.

"Yeah, spars are boring. All-out fights to the death are better. You know that your opponent isn't taking it easy on you; you get caught up in the thrill, in the adrenaline running through your veins; it's like you're high on power, right?"

"I've never heard it described so well. Most people don't understand it; the need, the primal desire to be the strongest; the love of fighting. Not even all Saiyans understand it," she said ruefully. "But there's a reason why. The King knows that the common people are stronger than him because they have to fight for their lives, so he makes sure that they're not educated; makes them believe that they're weaker than he is; and, since he does it here, too, having the Prince as a Super Saiyan helps. But Frieza and his father both agree with me on everything. But that could be because my brother went Super Saiyan on them and beat them, as well as some other guy who's the future version of the Prince's son, so now they're terrified of me and my dad." She grinned savagely at that part.

"What's the power of a Super Saiyan like?" I asked curiously. I wanted to know if this was stonger than Aizen. Probably not, though. Maybe it was stronger than Kurosaki? Then again, he was stronger than Aizen, so definitely not. He'd regained his powers, after all, so there's no way in heaven that this Super Saiyan is as strong as him. "It's probably not as strong as the strongest guy I know, but it might be stronger than me," I continued.

"So you wanna fight? All-out?" she asked eagerly.

"Hell, yeah!" I exclaimed. "I might actually be able to beat you! I know I'm insulting myself here, but the guys I usually fight all-out with beat me. How does one rank make so much of a difference?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked me, clearly confused.

"Nothing. I'll explain my past later on, okay?" I shook off those thoughts and prepared for a good battle.

"Hey! There you two are!" Bardock exclaimed from behind me.

"Bardock, you IDIOT!" I screamed, punching him in the face. I saw him go down and make a giant crater. "Maybe I should have held back a bit more."

"What?" he asked, rising.

"YOU HELD OUT ON ME, YOU BASTARD! How dare you not tell me you were super strong, strong enough to beat Frieza, whoever the hell he is? I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

* * *

><p><span>Me: Not my best, but it's a filler. Now review of you wanna see what happens next~!<span>


	6. Chapter 6

Me: I finally updated~! And it's the Sexta chapter to match the Sexta Espada!

Grimmjow: So that chapter's also super sexy, awesome, and dangerous?

Aizen: The only danger of this is laughing to death at this stupidity.

Me: Do you want me to kick your ass?

Aizen: Silly human; you can't beat a god.

Me: But I can beat an irritating, overly proud, megalomaniac, self-proclaimed 'genius' who is actually a moron, paranoid, overly ambitious, puffed up peacock with no real power, Aizen.

Aizen: *faints*

Gin: Nice job, Painted-chan. Ya beat 'im without fightin' 'im. *hugs her*

Me: Thanks. Did ya have fun with the gift?

Gin:*grin widens* Oh, yes we did. 

Me: Here. *hands him another can*

Gin: She doesn't own Bleach or Dragon Ball Z, but she has my eternal gratitude. I'm gonna put this to use now.

Nnoitra: LET'S GO PEOPLE! There are sporks to capture!

Me: Shut up, you spoon obsessed freak.

Grimmjow&Bardock: Wow. 

Me:*grins maniacally*

Nnoitra&Grimmjow: *grins maniacally*

Bardock:*backs away slowly* I'm going to get as far away from you psychopaths as possible.

Me: Grimm and Nnoi aren't psychopaths. They're uber violent, so they're sociopaths~!

Bardock:*runs away* 

* * *

><p>"SARINA! Why would you tell him that I'm so strong?" Bardock yelled. "Now I'm going to have this psychopath chasing after me, demanding a fight!"<p>

"Nnoi's gonna be after you, too," I added helpfully, grinning like a maniac all the while.

"C'mon, Dad. You know you want to," Sarina pleaded. "You haven't fought in ages; and you keep using the excuse, 'There's no one here that ignites my bloodlust'. Well, he's here, and he may have been human at one point in time, but he's more of a Saiyan than you ever were!"

"Sarina. Stop," his tone was even and flat, but I could feel the underlying tension.

"Bardock, it's not like you're going to kill me. I'm pretty sure I've fought stronger than you, anyway," I said dismissively.

"Well go find them to fight, okay? Just leave me alone," he stalked off.

"Somebody's in a bad mood. Is Fasha holding out on him?" I wondered.

"Ew! Those are my parents; I did **not** need to hear that, you pedophilic old geezer!" she protested, covering her ears. I patted her back somewhat reassuringly.

"Sarina, would you like to help me get your dad to go Super Saiyan?" I asked, an idea slowly forming in my mind.

"Wow, Blue. I never knew you had what it takes to actually have an idea," Spoonhead commented laconically.

"Shut up. Bardock is stronger than the strongest villain here, but he refuses to fight. We need a plan for this," I said, glaring at him.

"HOW DARE HE NOT FIGHT US?" Nnoitra yelled in a fit of spoon-ish rage.

"Exactly. We were coming up with a plan to get him to fight when you came along," I explained.

"We?"

"I'm Sarina, Spoon-face. Insult me, and I'll kick your ass. Simple enough for your pea brain to process?" Sarina introduced herself.

"Mother of God, I think I love you," I said in amazement.

"Tch," Spoony said. "And how is that going to happen? You're just a weak woman."

"Then what does that make you?" she retorted.

"Mother of God, I do love you," I proclaimed in shock.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, see if you can contain that love until we come up with a plan to get my dad to go Super, 'kay?" she replied. "Now me, Kakarott, Dad, Veggie-head Jr., and even the Prince's son from the future used rage and emotions to go Super for the first time. Kakarott went Super when his midget of a friend was killed by Frieza; Dad went Super just when he died, he came here in Super Saiyan form; the Prince went Super by channeling his rage at not being the strongest one; and the Prince's son from the future went Super when he saw his mentor lying dead in a puddle in front of him; and I went Super when I heard the weakling Saiyan King's propaganda that he was the strongest, it made me ridiculously mad because, after all, did he beat Frieza? And even though we can all control our ascension, mine and Kakarott's pops up when we get really angry. Theoretically, it should work with Dad, too." Sarina explained.

"So all we have to do is get Bardock mad? Kitty, snap out of it," Nnoitra snapped at me.

"Sorry, what?" I said, confused. Sarina rolled her pretty midnight eyes.

"Did you hear a word I said?" she asked me exasperatedly.

"Something about super?" I asked sheepishly. She sighed.

"Spoony'll explain to you."

"Nah, I gotta find the sporks and eliminate them. Since they're the nastiest of the nasty, they should be here, right? How dare pureblooded and noble spoons mate with such lowly forks?" he muttered, twitching ever so slightly.

"Is he okay?" she ventured hesitantly.

"Will you go out with me?" I asked.

"No."

"And there's your answer," I smirked, causing her to laugh.

"Well lets put the Super issue aside and help your mentally disturbed friend find the…hybrid offspring of forks and spoons," Szayel said, from behind Nnoitra. Spoony immediately stepped next to me, away from Pinky.

"How is that even possible? They're eating utensils; they can't mate, let alone walk," Sarina said, confused. Or dazzled by me.

"Blasphemy!" yelled Nnoitra. "Now we go on a quest to eliminate those monsters called sporks!"

"Okay then. I'm gonna get my dad to help us out with this," she fazed out of sight and appeared a moment later with Nappa, Shugesh, Borgos, Bardock, some tall red-haired guy I hadn't met yet, Fasha, Gin, and the Saiyans' pineapple-headed leader in tow.

"Why so many people?" I asked.

"Well, Mom came because she wanted to keep Dad in check, Uncle Borgos, Uncle Shugesh, and Uncle Toma, that's the tall red-haired man, came along because they missed the adventures of the 'good old days'. I don't know why Nappa came along, but who can figure out what goes on in that puny brain of his, anyway? As for the smiley guy, I'm too creeped out to even wonder about that. And the weakling leader of the suppressed masses is here because he wants to show me that he is strong. As if," she rolled her eyes as she finished the explaination.

"Alright. So we should probably pack some stuff, right?" I wondered.

"Me and my team are all set," Bardock said, flashing a tiny pill shaped object in the palm of his hand. "This is a capsule. Kakarott's friend Bulma gave a bunch to us when we visited. By the way, are you two related?"

"No, why?"

"Well, she has bright blue hair too. And it's natural, so I was curious," Bardock explained.

"It's the truth," Sarina put in. "We got visiting rights because we behaved. I got to fight with my brother, and although he's a bit naïve, it was the best fight of my life! You wouldn't believe the amount of power he has. And we get along really well with the Prince, who was happy to have an opponent who was willing to fight all out."

"You remind me of an old friend," I said. "She loved to fight, and she practically bounced in excitement when she was fighting someone stronger than her." I smiled at the memory.

"Enough nostalgia," Nnoitra said sharply. "And we don't need to pack. We should leave immediately. We have some sporks to eradicate from the fabric of space and time."

* * *

><p><span>Me: It was serious, and then Grimm fell in love, and then it turned to pure OOC crack. Did ya like it? I kind of need to know. <span>


	7. Chapter 7

Me: Alright~! An update! Finally.

Grimmjow: I know, right. You're so slow.

Me: *glares* If you don't shut up, I will send a werewolf after you.

Grimmjow: Yes, Painted-sama.

Me: Good.

Nnoitra:HAHAHAHA! Kitty boy's being beaten by a human!

Me: I will melt all the spoons and create sporks.

Nnoitra: Damn, girl. You're more twisted than Aizen.

Aizen: NOOOOOOOOOOO!*dies in corner*

Nnoitra: Gotta go, Painted-chan. I'm gonna go pee on his grave~!

Grimmjow: Wait up!

Ulquiorra: How dare they pay such disrespect to Aizen-sama.

Me: I shall be your new master!

Ulquiorra: Yes, Painted-sama.

Me: Say the disclaimer!

Ulquiorra: PaintedinAllColors doesn't own Bleach or Dragon Ball Z.

Me: And I'll say the review replies~!

**Alex274: Sporks aren't that weird, just useless. But it's okay~! Grimmjow loves us all. Just Sarina more than any of us... *sniffle* It's okay...**

And that's that~! Enjoy, peoplez~!

* * *

><p>"We are lost, Nnoitra," I told the Quinto, irritated.<p>

"I told you to call me Captain!" he yelled out, glaring at me with his single eye. "And watch out for those sporks."

"I'll keep an eye out," I smirked at his glare. "Nnoi."

"I said call me **Captain**," he hissed at me, towering over me.

"Make me, NnoiNnoi," I used the nickname Gin had given him.

"I am your superior, and you will do as I say," he said, dangerously on the edge of beating me into a pulp.

"Says who?" I said cockily. Of course I had to push it; I was me after all.

"Says me," he retorted.

"Prove it," I challenged.

"Is this mutiny? We have been on the trail of these sporks for ages, and now you choose to betray me?" his eyes widened in rage.

"Ages, what are you saying, Spoonhead? We've been on this quest for less than five minutes, you Neanderthals," Sarina said, rolling her beautiful midnight blue eyes.

"An' yer already accusing Grimmy a' mutiny and bein' a traitor? NnoiNnoi, ya should be careful abou' tha'," Gin said, his eyes still creepily closed and his grin firmly in place.

"Yes, Ichimaru-sama is correct. We must try to work together as a team," Pinky told Nnoitra.

"Team? As if. You're just gonna wait on the sidelines of every fight hoping someone dies so you can dissect them," I told Szayel.

"Why else would I be here with you morons?" he replied, raising a slim, pink eyebrow.

"He scares me…," Toma inched away from Szayel.

"You're not alone there," I told him. "He scares everyone." Me and Spoony smiled at him, and Gin just widened his smile. But I guess they didn't do much to reassure him; he inched away from us too.

"Borgos, they're insane," he whispered.

"I know. I mean, look at the psychopathic grins. And the silver-haired one hasn't stopped smiling since we got here," Borgos replied.

"It's normal for Gin to do that," I shrugged. "It would be creepy if he didn't smile."

"If who didn't smile, Trash?" asked a familiar emo voice.

"Oh come on! You're gonna suck the fun out of this, you demon bat thingie!" I complained, gesturing at Ulquiorra.

"Who's that?" Sarina asked.

"That is the Cuarto Espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer. Also one of the most boring people I know," I introduced him. "Emo batman, meet Borgos, Shugesh, Toma, Fasha, Bardock, Sarina, and, last and most definitely the least-,"

"I am the Almighty King of All Saiyans," Pineapple Head bellowed.

"But he's actually not that almighty," Sarina added, earning a glare from Pineapple Head. "Or loved. Or even liked."

"What?" the King looked shocked. Obviously that was news to him.

"Yep. We got the proof. We took a vote on who would be sacrificed to any cannibal tribes, and you won. Every single person voted for you to be the sacrifice, man," Toma said, taking pride in every word.

"Noooo!" he cried, running off and tripping over a bug, knocking himself unconscious, and probably giving himself a serious concussion.

"Ah. What are you trash doing?" Batman asked, not that he cared. Because if he did, that would be plain weird. Or mean that the apocalypse was near and we'd all die again.

"Hunting sporks," Bardock said, holding his hand out to Ulquiorra, who looked at it curiously.

"What I'm supposed to do with it?" he asked confused.

"You shake it," Sarina explained.

"Thank you. This must be one of the traditions the onna told me about. What was the other one? Oh yes…," he trailed off. And kissed Bardock. Ulquiorra kissed Bardock. On the lips. He kissed him. WTF?

"He's taken!" Fasha yelled, viciously beating Ulquiorra with a table.

"Where did that come from?" Szayel asked.

"You don't wanna know," Shugesh advised.

"I really don't," I said, laughing at Ulquiorra's prone form. Nnoitra joined me, and soon enough, we were both laughing like maniacs.

"That's for all the times you called me trash after you kicked my ass," I laughed at him.

"And for all the times you stole my spoon collection!" Nnoitra said, pulling down his pants. He peed on him. Oh shit…

"That was me actually, but thanks for taking one for the team, ya emo batman!" I said happily.

"That was you?" Nnoitra said, eyes glinting dangerously.

"Of course," I grinned, looking like a full blown psycho on crack, who happened to be on a killing spree.

"Pray, Santa Teresa!" he yelled, releasing his Ressurecion form.

"Grind, Pantera!" I shouted, feeling the usual adrenaline rush that came from releasing my zanpakuto.

"Wow," Toma said.

"Wow indeed," Borgos echoed.

"Now, now. No need for tha'," Gin sighed. Me and Spoony completely ignored him.

"Gran Rey Cero!" I yelled, firing the strongest cero at him.

"Enough!" Gin shouted, blocking my cero with a single hand. "Ya will go back ta normal, an' then continue wit' this ridiculous quest." He raised his reiatsu just enough to paralyze us. I fell to my knees, hating every single moment of appearing weak. Reluctantly, I dropped out of Ressurecion and Pantera returned to a regular katana. "Thanks."

"How dare he contradict the Captain of this expedition?" Nnoitra grumbled. "But the Silver Fox is right. We must keep our minds on the task at hand!"

"Silver Fox?" Sarina asked.

"Tha' would be me, I'm guessin'," Gin spoke up, holding out his hand. She shook it.

"Would you spar with me later?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course~!" he replied, his grin widening.

"We have codenames?" Fasha said dubiously.

":Yep. I'm Captain, Grimm is Panther King, Gin is Silver Fox, Fasha's Pink Demon, Toma is the Scarlet Plague, Bardock can be the Bottomless Pit, Ulquiorra is Batman with an Emo Twist, Sarina is Golden Devil, Shugesh can be Evil Marshmallow, King man is Pineapple Head Loser, Nappa is Brainless Idiot, and Borgos is Shiny Plate," Spoonhead listed the nicknames.

"That is ridiculous!" Borgos complained.

"I don't know; mine is awesome. Toma: The Scarlet Plague. Fear me. Oh yeah," Toma posed, trying and failing to give a smouldering look at Nappa.

"He loves me! Yay! No one has ever loved me before!" Nappa cheered.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," I said. "Besides, my codename is freaking awesome! Panther King. Cuz I would have been King of the Hollows soon enough…" The mad gleam came back into my eyes.

"Yeah, well neither of you are being called an evil marshmallow," Shugesh complained.

"Hey, we get to insult Pineapple Head Loser, so I'm fine by it," Sarina smirked.

"It's either you like the nicknames or you leave," Spoony threatened.

"Well, bye," we all turned around to leave.

"By leave, I meant leave this world," he explained.

"Come on….," Shugesh complained.

"Put a marshmallow in it," Nnoi snapped at him.

"I want a marshmallow!" Bardock screamed.

"Later," Fasha told him.

"I wanna eat a marshmallow now!" he began crying.

"…No comment whatsoever," Ulquiorra said.

"I agree," Gin told him.

"This is gonna be a long, torturous trip," I sighed.

"We must defeat the sporks!" Spoonhead yelled.

"SHUT UP!"


End file.
